Time After Time
by BuildingAnEmpire
Summary: Sequel to Time. This story might not make sense if you don't read that first! AO. OliviaOther.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing :) Lyrics, again, are in italics and bold! If you want to know where they came from, message me and I'll tell you!  
**Summary:** Sequel to _Time_. Three years have passed since Alex was taken into Witness Protection. She never came back in Ghost. Olivia has moved on...a little.  
**Rating: PG-13 **  
**Author's Note:** Sorry it's been a little long! Hope you enjoy :) Please review:)

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_**That last kiss, I'll cherish, until we meet again  
**_  
Olivia played with the blades of green grass on the ground next to her. She wasn't really sure why she was here. In fact, she wasn't sure why she came here more often than not. It's not as if she was even really dead. Olivia plucked a blade of grass from the ground before throwing it at the headstone. It fluttered to the ground inches from the throwing point. Olivia sighed and let her back hit the ground, leaving her legs still twisted indian-style. The sky was an amazing color of blue and completely cloudless. But thinking of blue always turned into thinking of her eyes, simply because they were blue too. Also, because Olivia missed them, more than she let others know. She couldn't let others know. For the obvious reason: Alex was 'dead'. And then there was the other obvious reason…

"I figured I would find you here." The voice interrupted her thoughts.

Olivia sighed, annoyed, before turning her body toward the offending person. He was standing there, staring down at her, his hands on his hips. She rubbed her eyes with her hands, blinking out the sunspots that had taken up residence.

"Blake." Olivia sat up, running a hand through her hair to brush out any stray pieces of grass.

"Expecting someone else?" He held his hand out to her, which she ignored.

She continued staring at the headstone until he took his hand back. He rubbed the back of his neck, not really sure what to do at this point.

"I wasn't expecting anyone." Olivia mumbled as she stood, angrily wiping at the back of her pants.

It's not that he found her sitting by Alex's gravestone or the fact that he knew she would be there. It's the fact that he ruined it for her that made her angry. This was her Alex time. It didn't matter if she was engaging in more and more Alex time as the months passed; she just wanted to be left alone. She could feel Blake following her as she stalked out of the cemetery. From his steps she could tell that he was at least 20 paces behind her. Olivia wanted to keep it this way.

"Look Liv," He started when she stopped for the light to change. _Damnit_. "I'm sorry I came here."

Olivia gave him a sideways glace. He was still standing behind her but much closer. She looked back up, wondering when the light was going to change. She felt his strong hand come in contact with the fabric of her top. The small of her back itched from his movement. Olivia stepped away, glad the light had finally decided to change. Once they were across the street she felt him pick up the pace, closing the gap between them.

"I know you really miss her. I'm sorry I interrupted you." Blake continued, hoping she would forgive him.

She did, sighing. "It's fine."

Blake smiled at this and reached his hand out, grasping for hers. They walked the rest of the way to Olivia's apartment in silence.

------

She really did not expect to be back in here: old habits die hard. The cigarette smoke and alcohol smell filled her lungs as she walked through the door. It smelled exactly as she remembered. Looking around she realized the place hadn't changed at all in three years. She glanced over at the bar to see if it would still be the same bartender working. She never expected to see what she did. Alex leaned against the wall, trying to catch her breath. Since when did Olivia come to her bar? Alex watched as Olivia sipped her drink. Her hair was longer than it had ever been when Alex was around. A tall man with dark hair came up behind her, running his hand along her back before taking the stool next to her. Alex watched in horror. Olivia leaned in and whispered something to the man. He laughed and kissed her cheek. Realization finally set in. This wasn't her bar anymore. In fact, this wasn't her life anymore. Alex stumbled out of the bar, breathing hard and trying not to cry. She looked around at the lights of the city, glowing and vibrant. Alex wished, for the first time ever, that she were back in Wisconsin.

------

The floorboards creaked as she made her way to the door. She winced, forgetting about that spot on the hardwood. She waited a minute before quietly opening the door and slipping out. The night air was cool as she ran down the steps and out onto the sidewalk. She knew it wasn't really safe this late at night but there was such little noise that it helped clear her head, especially at two in the morning. She picked up the pace, rounding the corner. Her long strides landed her at a familiar place: the cemetery. She sighed, stopping in front of the gates and peering inside, wondering if now was really the time to be here. She looked left and right down the street hoping no one would see her as she hopped over the short black metal fence. Once inside she knew where to go; her feet took her there almost mechanically. It was like a personal GPS, this location always programmed in. Relief washed over her as she finally stopped in front of the grave. She let herself fall to her knees, curling into a ball directly over the site. The grass had grown substantially; of course, after three years the brown dirt that once marked the spot was all but a memory. She pressed her face into the grass as if being closer to the coffin would will the _really_ 'undead' back.

"Olivia?" The voice was soft and would have been completely incoherent had it not been deadly silent.

_**But I keep your memory, you visit me in my sleep**_

Olivia pressed her head closer to the ground. _Are you kidding me? If I would have known willing would have worked, I would have tried that years ago_. Her fingers curled around the grass, clutching it, she was afraid to breathe as to not miss another word.

"Olivia?" The voice was louder this time and accompanied by footsteps.

Olivia bolted upright. It was almost impossible to see in the night and the only light was the one way off in the distance near the sidewalk. Olivia pushed herself against the headstone. At least whoever it was knew her by name. She waited until the figure came closer. She wanted to say something, scream, anything, but her throat had closed, not really sure what to make of the situation. The figure came to stand at what, Olivia assumed, was the edge of the plot. As they bent down, it was the first time Olivia really knew who it was.

"Alex." Olivia whispered, not really believing and sure it was a dream.

Alex sank down into the plush grass, further closing the distance between them. _If_ _I'm dreaming please let me sleep forever_, Olivia wished silently. Alex stopped near Olivia's feet, sitting on her legs in front of them. Neither said anything, or even moved, for what seemed like ages until Olivia sat up on her legs, mirroring Alex's position.

"Do you…come here a lot?" Alex whispered, still not really sure what to do or think.

Olivia blushed, immediately thankful for the darkness surrounding them. "Sometimes."

She could see Alex bow her head so she moved in closer; putting them only inches apart. Alex looked up when Olivia took her hand. It was still as soft as she had remembered and it still fit in hers like it was made to be there. "Liv?"

"Are you really back?" Olivia was almost afraid to ask, fearing the answer, or the alarm clock she was still sure was coming. Her fingers absentmindedly rubbed Alex's.

Alex nodded, her long blonde hair bobbing up and down. She looked deep into Olivia's eyes, watching the excitement and love playing in them. But when she looked deeper she noticed something else: guilt and indecision. Alex knew immediately the cause of it and dropped her head, willing the overwhelming joy back down. Olivia noticed the apprehension and moved to embrace her. Alex jumped up at the contact and looked down at a perplexed Olivia.

"However, three years is a long time. 'They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.' " Alex offered before walking hurriedly toward the cemetery gates.

Olivia sat in silence as Alex's words echoed in her mind. She thought of running after her, for the second time, but she didn't. But she did sit there, for hours, wondering what it was that made Alex suddenly leave. With the sunrise it finally dawned on her. _Could she really know about Blake?_ Olivia's head was foggy as she slowly made her way back to the apartment. When she trudged through the door, bleary-eyed, he was there, pacing in her living room.

"Jesus Christ Olivia!" His hands flew up in the air as he yelled.

She didn't even look at him or acknowledge the fact that he was irate as she slipped off her shoes. It wasn't until he grabbed her arms, forcing her to look at him, that she even registered his presence. When she looked into his eyes she saw blazing anger and fear. Her head dropped, having gotten no sleep she was really in no mood for this right now. She was also still trying to decide if Alex was real or a figment of her insomniac delusions.

"Where the hell have you been?" He lowered his voice since he was inches from her face.

"Out." She managed, attempting to escape.

"No kidding. Where? I was worried sick! I woke up at three and you were gone. Do you know what time it is? Seven!" He let her go but followed, screaming at her back.

"Seven? Shit, work." Olivia mumbled to herself as she rubbed her temples. She walked into the bedroom, reaching for her gun and badge.

"Were you with someone?" Blake's voice softened and she could hear the pain behind his words.

Olivia wasn't really sure what to say, as he would surely think she was schizophrenic or severely distraught if she told him. So she offered no answer, only brushing past him toward the kitchen for some coffee. He, of course, followed.

"Who were you with Olivia?" Blake obviously assumed that from her lack of response she was with someone.

Olivia had enough of his screaming; she slammed the coffee pot back into the maker and whirled around. His eyes widened briefly as she went on the defense.

"I was with Alex!" She screamed, silently enjoying the range of emotions that flashed across his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I own the story and the random characters!

**Summary: **Constellations in a graveyard.

**Author's Note: **If you read, please review, even if you hate it :) Thanks!

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_**You are all I can remember after all that we've been through**_

The squad room was eerily quiet as she pushed through the doors. Everyone turned to look as the force she used to push the doors open propelled them against the walls. She stalked over to her desk and abruptly sat. Elliot looked around at the others who were still staring and glared, encouraging them to direct their attention elsewhere. He looked back across their desks: her head lolled restlessly in her hands. Elliot had already gotten wind from Blake about Olivia's current mental state. He stood and walked to stand next to her, placing a hand under her arm. She allowed him to pull her into a standing position before following him up to the crib. She sat down on one of the cots as Elliot closed the door and leaned against it.

"So Blake thinks I am nuts." Olivia used that has her opening line, looking up at Elliot.

Elliot gave her his 'if the shoe fits…' look before coming to sit down next to her.

"I saw her El, I really did. She's back." Olivia pleaded for him to believe her.

Elliot placed his hand on hers. "I know she is. Cragen told me this morning."

Olivia looked up at him, relieved someone believed her, even if she really didn't believe herself. She gave his hand a squeeze before letting go and putting her face in her hands. What the hell was she going to do now?

"I told Blake that she wasn't really dead when he called about you. He was really worried you were losing it." Elliot continued.

"Does he still think I'm crazy?" Olivia asked, not looking up.

Elliot shook his head even though she couldn't see him. "I think he's just worried."

Olivia looked up and nodded. She stood and began walking around the crib in front of him.

"What are you going to do?" For the first time in their 9 years together, he had no idea what she was thinking.

"I don't know El. Blake is great, amazing even. And I don't even know if Alex is still…available. I love them both, I do. It's just… Alex is my heart." She turned to face Elliot who nodded his understanding. "She wasn't even dead, but I spent most of my days over the last three years at the cemetery just to feel close to her. I don't want Blake to think he was just there to bide the time until Alex returned. But I don't want Alex to feel like I am over her."

Elliot came to stand next to her. "Then you should figure out a way to break Blake's heart nicely." He placed a comforting hand on her back when she nodded.

------

Alex looked around her new office; it was pretty big compared to the one she had three years ago. Her chest felt tight when she thought about that. She shook her head and ran her hand along the rich mahogany wood of her new desk. A knock at the door turned her attention.

Elliot stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do. "Hey."

Alex turned fully toward him. "Hey." It was almost a whisper.

He walked into her office, quietly enveloping her in a hug. She reciprocated, holding onto him. She really didn't mean for the tears to come. In fact, she was desperately trying to hold them back. But as he rubbed her back, they came, flowing down her face. She tried to wipe them away but he just held on tighter. Alexandra Cabot would have never let anyone see her like this, aside from Olivia. She was strong, intelligent, and in check of her emotions at all times. Then Emily happened. Or maybe it was too many days of humming the Mr. Softie song. Either way, here in Elliot's embrace, she felt less like Alexandra Cabot and more like Emily. Completely broken.

_**June feels like November, still can't believe it's true, too long we've been apart**_

------

She was lying on the plush grass on top of the grave, her hands under her head, as Alex walked up. Alex watched for a minute but knew that even though she could stand there all night watching her, Olivia would detect her within moments. She walked closer to the grave and cleared her throat, not wanting to startle the brunette. Olivia rose onto her elbows at the interruption, searching the dark for the intruder. Alex stepped to the edge of the grave, extending her hand which carried a cup of tea. Olivia sat up and moved back against the cool marble headstone before taking the cup out of Alex's hand. She smelt the tea, which turned out to be lavender, before taking a sip. Alex sat down, facing her, before taking a sup from her own cup.

"How did you know?" Olivia questioned after a while.

Alex shrugged and sipped her tea, looking into the sky. Olivia nodded, knowing their connection went beyond the surface, deep down in to the core of them. She too ached to be near her. She looked into the sky as well, trying to spot the constellations.

"Do you have…" Olivia started.

"Orion." Alex's husky voice cut her off.

How did she know? "The warrior."

Alex nodded and placed her empty cup beside of her. She turned and laid down on the grass, not wanting to crane her neck any longer. Olivia watched her settle before mimicking her actions. They lay side by side, afraid to break the moment by speaking.

_**Why did my dream explode the day you went away?**_

"Where is he?" Olivia asked after what could very well have been hours.

"He'll be back after summer. Scorpion's in the sky right now."

"Why?" Olivia turned to look at Alex, wanting to understand the complexity of something so beautiful and natural.

"Apollo sent the scorpion to kill Orion who was no match for the deadly creature. Would you want to share the sky with the thing that killed you?" The question was meant to be rhetoric but Alex looked at Olivia anyway. She tried to convey all of her emotions through that one look. To tell Olivia she was not okay even though she would act like it and it would never be discussed. She wanted Olivia to know that, like Orion, her biggest downfall would always be beyond the surface.

_Over the stormy winter sea the constellation of Orion glitters, enormous and menacing, and the dark clouds flee before him like the wild animals. But in summer, when the constellation of the Scorpion rises over the horizon, Orion begins to swag and stagger, and then he, in his turn, flees and disappears into the ocean._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything except the story and the people I make up!

**Summary: **Some AO, a case and John's two cents.

**Author's Note:** Thank you for the comments! As always, keep them coming please :) I love to know what you think.

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Olivia tried to shrug out the kink in her neck from sleeping on the hard ground as she walked through the squad room doors. Though she woke up alone, lying on the ground on her back, Olivia knew she hadn't been alone for very long. Even in her sleep she could tell when Alex was around. When she woke, Olivia had looked around, trying to see if Alex had just recently left, but the cemetery was completely empty save for the groundskeeper off in the distance.

"Did you sleep here last night?" Elliot asked as soon as she sat down at her desk.

She glared up at him; he was staring intently at her. "Does it look like I did?"

Her reply was snarky, Olivia knew, but did he really have the right to know where she was?

"Blake called, he asked me if you spent the night." He must have meant for this to be his defense on why he asked her in the first place but it aggravated her none-the-less. She rolled her eyes and stood, walking over to the coffee machine. Olivia could feel him following her and as he leaned in to her from behind, she gritted her teeth.

"He's a nice guy Liv, don't fuck him around." He angrily whispered into her ear.

**_Please come back home, you know, the place where you used to live_**

Olivia pushed past him, leaving her coffee behind and walking out of the precinct. Before she knew it she was more than halfway to the courthouse. Olivia shoved her hands into her pockets and shook her head at herself. This was another great decision in the long line of great decisions she had been making lately. What was she going to tell Alex once she made it to her office? Elliot pissed me off so I came here to sulk? Real mature. But maybe it was better than the truth at this point. The truth being that her feet, as if on autopilot, had taken her here on their own accord, out of familiarity. Her palms were sweating as she made her way down the hallway, passing ADA's on her way.

"Olivia, what are you doing here?" The voice was a familiar one but not one she wanted to hear at the moment.

"Casey." Olivia forced a smile. "Just…visiting an old friend." Maybe Casey wouldn't ask any more questions.

The redhead stopped in front of her, eyeing her before asking. "Alex?"

Olivia nodded and looked at Alex's office door. Was this even appropriate considering they both had work to do? She glanced back at Casey awkwardly. Casey smiled at her as if nothing was happening until she realized Olivia really did want to leave.

"So, I'll see you later then." Casey stammered before continuing in the direction she was heading before running into Olivia.

Olivia sighed and wiped her sweaty palms on the front of her jeans before walking slowly to Alex's office. The door was slightly ajar and she could hear Alex talking on the phone once she was close enough. She knocked softly on the door, alerting Alex of her presence but not wanting to interrupt the call. Alex's eyebrows knotted together before motioning for Olivia to enter and close the door.

"Okay well, let me know, we might be able to work something out." Alex said before saying goodbye and hanging up the phone.

Olivia sat on a chair in front of Alex's desk, looking around the office in an effort to not make eye contact. She still wasn't really sure why she had come here.

"Is this personal or professional?" Alex surely didn't waste any time.

Olivia looked at her, noting that she wasn't wearing the same clothes as last night in the cemetery so she must have gone home. Alex was staring, waiting for a response. Her eyes were heavy with exhaustion and Olivia watched as she rubbed them, removing her glasses.

"Personal." Olivia looked down, hoping Alex wouldn't ask so she didn't have to tell her how ridiculous this "personal" matter was.

"Who's your favorite?" Alex's sudden change of topic startled Olivia for a moment.

She looked up at Alex who was watching her. "Perseus."

Alex nodded and put her glasses down on the desk, leaning in on her elbows as if to get close enough to tell her a secret. "Why?"

Olivia looked at her, searching her deep blue eyes for signs of recognition. She knew Alex knew the story but wanted to hear it coming from her mouth. Olivia locked her brown eyes into Alex's blue ones, leaning forward just a bit.

"He stood up against the monster and saved the princess." And that was all that needed to be said.

------

"If you think that I would be willing to drop your sentence to 15 years after you brutally murdered three people simply because you _might_ be able to give us the name of your drug dealer, you are insane. You might want to consider pleading not guilty on the basis of insanity." Alex glared across the table at the man.

His smirk faded into a scowl at the comment. He looked to his lawyer who was quite obviously losing her resolution. Alex folded her arms, waiting for the defense attorney to come up with another plea.

"25 to life no chance of parole if you take the death penalty off the table." The defense attorney meekly offered.

Alex watched the defendant's eyes bulge out when he heard his lawyer's offer. She fought the urge to laugh as she watched him look at the defense attorney in disbelief. Instead, she smiled and leaned forward, resting her forearms on the table.

"Deal." Alex let her smile grow wide as both the defense attorney and her client looked about ready to lose their lunch as they signed the necessary papers. As she walked out of the conference room, gripping her papers tightly, Casey was waiting for her. Alex turned, handing the papers to the ADA behind her who was on the case, before walking over to her.

"Just seeing where we are the on Swanson case. What are we doing?" Casey asked, holding a file in her hands.

Alex glanced down, trying to remember, then back up. "Remind me?"

"Guy who raped his girlfriend before throwing her off the fire escape." Casey gave her the cliff notes version.

Alex nodded, remembering. She looked at her watch, the day was dragging on. "Um, schedule a meeting for 5, we'll see about a deal then."

"Can't do that. He's…missing. I thought you knew." Casey gave her a look.

Alex was stunned. Did anyone ever tell her anything anymore? "No, I had no idea."

Casey stood there, waiting for Alex to answer her original question. She looked around when Alex seemed to be just standing there. Finally Casey caught her eyes, directing her attention back.

"So just help SVU find him?" Alex had no idea why she was telling Casey what to do.

Casey nodded and followed Alex when she started off in the direction of her office. Alex gave her a sideways glance as they walked. When they got to the door of Alex's office, Alex turned, bracing herself against the doorframe.

"Anything else I can do for you counselor?" Alex was really trying to be nice.

Casey mustered up a smile before shaking her head. "No, I'll just see you later."

She walked away, leaving Alex standing in the doorway. Casey was a little annoyed; no one ever seemed to want to talk to her unless it was about a case.

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"Are we any closer to figuring out where he could be hiding?" Cragen asked, standing in the middle of the room and rubbing the back of his neck.

Olivia shook her head in time with Elliot. John threw his file onto his desk before standing to get coffee.

Fin took it upon himself to verbally answer Cragen. "Not so much."

Cragen sighed and walked back toward his office. "Keep looking. Benson, Stabler, go canvas if you have to."

Olivia rolled her eyes behind his back and dropped the file she was reading onto her desk. She looked at Elliot who was rubbing his face with both of his hands. When he looked up at her she nodded toward the door and stood. He, reluctantly, followed her out into their patrol car.

"Let's start with the neighbor." She determined, clicking her seatbelt in place.

-----

"This guy better confess within 20 minutes because I really am not in the mood today." Alex exclaimed, walking into the squad room.

Everyone turned at the loud interruption accompanied by an even louder clicking of heels. John, who was sort of standing around waiting to do something productive, rose his eyebrows. He watched her walk across the room and angrily disappear into the interrogation room before turning to his partner giving his best 'what in the hell is going on here' look. Fin simply shrugged and glared at the door, as if staring at it would give him all of the answers.

Behind the door, the two detectives simply stared at Alex who had waltzed through the door as if she owned the place. They looked at each other when she crossed her arms over her chest, obviously waiting for something to happen. Olivia was the first to look back at Alex, raising an eyebrow and looking around behind Alex to see if anyone was following her.

Alex made a show of rolling her eyes, "Casey's in court." And almost as an afterthought, "I think."

That apparently placated them because the pair turned and walked into the room together, closing the door behind them. Alex switched the speaker on and watched from behind the glass. As she watched the ease in which the partners moved in sync with each other, Alex felt a stab of grief in her chest. And loss, especially, as she thought of all of the times when she actually belonged on this side of the glass, watching with what could only be described as glee. She placed her hands steadily on the ledge, breathing in deeply and bowing her head. She needed to focus, not on her previous life but on the now and the confession Elliot and Olivia were trying to get to make her, rather, Casey's, job easier. A clearing of a throat behind her caused her to spin around quickly, silently hoping whoever it was hadn't been standing there that long.

"We could wait for Casey, it's not that big of a deal. I am sure you are busy these days." Cragen offered.

Alex could tell that he knew and was only offering her an out. So she shook her head and turned back to the glass. She crossed her arms, closing herself off, when he came to stand beside of her, watching the detectives with his hands in his pockets. They stared, not saying a word, for a long time until the man finally cracked. Alex grinned, her day was looking up after all. Olivia came out of the room, leaving Elliot to observe the man signing his confession, knowing Alex was waiting on the other side. She spotted Cragen next to Alex and crossed her arms before moving closer to them.

"Good work detective." Alex smiled.

Olivia smiled back her thanks. "Just trying to make your job easier."

"I appreciate it, really." Alex unfolded her arms and grabbed her briefcase.

Cragen had already opened the door to the squad room and was halfway out before Alex followed, Olivia trailing behind. John was standing fairly close to the doorway as they walked out, causing Olivia to brush Alex as she stopped herself from running into the back of her when she abruptly stopped.

"So, Alex. I see you are among the living." John's eyebrows went skyward, accusingly.

"Amazing powers of observation you have detective." Alex didn't miss a beat.

"Conspiracy I see." He stared at her for a moment. "Want to come out for drinks with us?"

Her mind flashed back to her previous outings with the detectives, all ending in intoxication. However, a drink is just what she needed. Alex smiled and cleared her throat slightly.

"I would love to. Thanks." She gave Olivia a glance before walking across the room and out of the doors.

John wagged his eyebrows at Olivia before retreating to his desk. Olivia was beyond frustrated at this point and stalked after John. She leaned over and slammed the file he had picked up back onto his desk causing him to jump.

"This is _not _amusing." She growled into his ear before walking out of the squad room.

**_I find myself just filling my time, with anything to keep the thought of you from my mind_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **My story, my Blake, Dick's characters. Lyrics aren't mine either.

**Summary: **Situational amnesia. Resolution in an elevator. A decision based on eye color.

**Author's Note:** This is before and after "drinks" with Munch and everyone. PG-13 ish.

So basically, if no one is going to review, **I'm going to stop posting here** because frankly it's a colossal waste of my time. It's not like I write each chapter in a new document, so I have to go back and make new documents for each chapter just to post here. It's nice that you all add me to your favorite author/favorite story/alerts but that doesn't really tell me what you like about the story. So anyway, everything through Chapter 12 is written, it's just a matter of posting it here which is now going to be based on people reviewing. Sorry I have to be an ass about this, but it's a little rude to not review considering it takes all of 30 seconds.

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The moment Olivia stepped into her apartment she could tell something was different. She placed her keys on the table near the door and quietly shut it behind her. The first thing she noticed was that his "Sunday paper" slippers weren't in their usual place beside the front door. Her heart lurched in her chest as she knew this would be the time to make the decision: fight for someone who she can live with or fight for the one who she can't live without. She went to wipe her palms on her pants, as she always did when she was nervous, but found that they weren't sweaty as she had anticipated.

"Blake?" She called out, hoping he would at least still be here.

She heard soft footsteps making their way down the hall and she felt relief. He came to stand a few feet away in the hallway, carrying a suitcase. Olivia looked down at his belongings before looking back up to meet his eyes. There was a sadness there she had never seen before. As she stepped closer she remembered the day she had met him.

--

It took all of her willpower just to get through the day; to say that she was miserable was the understatement of the century. As she stared through the glass of a café her and Alex frequently ate at, Olivia felt lost. Even though it had been a year since Alex left, the days, and nights, never got easier. Olivia never even noticed the man who came to stand beside of her, looking through the glass as well. He let the silence wrap around them until the people inside began to stare back.

"I bet it's nicer inside." He offered, still staring through the glass.

She glanced at him, briefly, before returning her attention. He smirked, putting his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He hadn't really been watching the people inside of the café, but her reflection in the glass.

"Would you like to eat lunch?" He tried again, anything to get her to say something to him.

"I'm not available." Olivia replied, not looking at him still.

"Neither am I. But I'm hungry." He turned toward her finally.

"Then eat." She really was in no mood to play games.

"I don't want you staring at me through the glass." He continued to stare at her.

"Don't worry, I won't." She finally looked at him again, this time giving him her full attention.

"I'm not so sure I believe you." He tried, staring into her eyes.

Olivia shrugged and turned back to the glass, not really sure why she was still standing here.

"Fine. I'll bring my food out here." He turned and went into the café.

She stared through the glass, watching the reflection of the passing people on the street behind her. Looking down at the sidewalk made her think of that dreadful night, so she looked up instead. The sky was blue, cloudless, which reminded her of Alex too. So she looked back through the glass. The door opened and the man came back outside. She refused to look at him as he continued toward her, stopping beside of her. When he extended his arm, he was holding a sandwich out. Olivia turned toward him and looked at the sandwich, then him, then the sandwich again before taking his offer. He smiled at her before unwrapping his own sandwich and turning back toward the glass. They ate in silence, both standing, staring at the glass outside of the café.

---

Now when she looked into his eyes all she saw was pain instead of amusement. She had always loved his green eyes but maybe that had a little more to do with the fact that they weren't blue and a little less about the feeling she got when she looked into them. Standing here, not saying a word, left her feeling guilty and unsure of herself. Finally, he closed the distance between them, wrapping his strong arms around her tightly. Olivia rested her head on his shoulder, clinging to him, knowing this would be the last time she would be in his arms.

_**I hope you know, I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you**_

When he finally pulled back, Olivia shivered at the loss of contact. Blake looked her in the eyes, trying to see if there was still a glimmer of hope. Apparently he realized that there wasn't because he looked away and back down to his luggage.

"Blake," Olivia started, getting his attention, "I'm sorry."

He nodded, knowing she was but he didn't want their last conversation to be a series of "I'm sorry's," so he took her hand in his.

"Liv, let's…not make this about whose fault it is. I don't want to play that game." Blake told her, looking into her eyes.

She nodded. "I just…want you to understand." Her eyes pleaded with his.

"I do. I know you love me, Liv, I do. But I also know that this love can't compare with that love. Am I upset about it? Definitely. Do I wish things were different? More than anything. But do I understand? Yeah, I do." He brought his hand up to brush her cheek.

Olivia wrapped herself around him again, letting him know that she appreciated his understanding. Blake kissed the top of her head before letting go and stepping back. She watched as he grabbed his suitcase and headed for the door. His hand stopped on the doorknob and he turned back around, surveying the room. His eyes stopped on her, standing there watching him leave.

"I'll be at a friend's place until I find one of my own, then I'll get the rest of my stuff." Formalities sucked.

Olivia nodded, not really sure what else to say in this situation. With one last look Blake was out the door, closing it behind him. She stood there for a while, staring at the back of the door before retreating down the hallway.  
_**  
**__**And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay**_

---

Her head throbbed as she tried to blink her eyes open. The light streaming through the window was too much and she used her forearm to cover her eyes. Olivia laid there for a moment before attempting to sit up. Her entire body ached and she groaned loudly at the feeling. There was a whimper that didn't come from her own body and for the first time she noticed she wasn't alone. Her entire body froze, her back to whomever was sharing her bed. She tried to think back on the night but her mind was so foggy that it was impossible. Cautiously she turned, keeping her eyes closed until the last moment. And when she opened them, she noticed the blonde hair that splayed across the pillow and the white creamy skin of the bare back the sheets had slipped off of.

"Shit." Olivia whispered.

Even worse, this was her apartment and there was no way she could just slip out and into the confines of her own place this time. Olivia turned back around carefully and rubbed her eyes, hoping that this was all just a dream. When she turned back around, the blonde was still there, sleeping peacefully. Olivia groaned and moved the sheet to stand up, trying to figure out what to do. When the soft breeze grazed her body, Olivia realized that she was also naked. Crimson blush rose to her face and she tip-toed to the bathroom as fast as possible, not wanting to deal with the situation that she hoped would be gone by the time she emerged.

----

"How you feeling partner?" Elliot smirked and smugly sat down at his desk.

Olivia gladly accepted the coffee he had placed on her desk as she glared at him. She sipped the hot coffee, closing her eyes. When she opened them, Elliot was still staring at her, shaking his head slightly.

"What?" Olivia challenged, setting the mug down.

Elliot shook his head, still grinning. "Nothing."

She glared at him still, picking the mug up with both hands and leaning in. "I don't remember a damn thing."

Elliot gave a hearty laugh before leaning in. "You left with a hot blonde."

Olivia rolled her eyes; of course he gives her the only information she does know. "Who I woke up next to this morning and who was gone when I got out of the shower. That part I got."

Elliot's eyebrows shot skyward before he laughed again. "Well rumor has it…"

He was cut off short by the squad doors swinging open and the sound of heels clicking against the tile. He turned in his chair as Alex walked up to their desks and watched as Olivia's eyes seemed to bulge out of their sockets.

Alex directed all of her attention to Olivia, "Detective Benson, may I speak with you?"

Olivia rubbed the back of her neck before nodding and standing. She caught Elliot's eyes as she followed Alex back out of the squad room. He was hiding his laughter behind his hand as she gave him her 'help me' look. Olivia rolled her eyes when he shook his head and kept her head down the rest of the way to the elevators. They stood in silence as they waited for the elevator doors to open. To Olivia's surprise, when they came, her and Alex were the only two wanting to take it. They stood side by side inside the elevator, both watching the doors slowly close.

Olivia was still transfixed on the silver doors when the wind was knocked out of her. She had not even registered that Alex had pressed the emergency stop button and was now pinning her against the wall. She opened her eyes when Alex's mouth captured her own and closed them again as Alex pushed harder against her. Olivia breathed in the soft strawberries and crème smell that she had missed so much about Alex in the last three years. In the back of her mind she was wondering if there were security cameras installed. But the thought was quickly gone as Alex bit down on her bottom lip, obviously knowing Olivia's thoughts were elsewhere. Finally Alex pulled back, resting their foreheads together.

"I don't remember last night but my body aches." Olivia whispered, looking into Alex's blue eyes.

Alex grinned at this admission. "Neither do I but so does mine."

Olivia felt relieved, at least she wasn't the only one who seemed to have situational amnesia. Alex pressed their lips together again before pulling completely away and hitting the emergency stop button again, starting the elevator. Olivia watched as Alex looked into the reflection of the elevator doors, fixing her hair. She moved away from the wall and ran a hand through her own hair.

"So that's why I figured we could re-enact it in my office." The elevator dinged and Alex walked confidently out.

Olivia stood behind, still in the elevator with her mouth hanging open and her eyebrows arched. Alex turned back around and walked through the elevator doors again. She flashed Olivia a look before holding out her hand. Olivia stood still, staring at the elevator doors behind Alex which were starting to close again. Alex took Olivia's hand in hers, slipping her fingers in the spaces between Olivia's, letting their hands mold together again.  
_**  
**__**Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to, cause I wanna hold yours too**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I only own the story and the random characters I make up!

**Summary:**Alex's office, the precinct, and a new case.

**A/N: **Thank-you all for the reviews. To clear something up…I write for me and I post elsewhere, so posting here is something I choose to do if I know that people will read it. So for me, it takes extra time to get everything together to post it here as well and I also know that for you, as a reviewer/reader, it also takes time. So, I do really appreciate your reviews, honestly, and thank-you very much. Special thanks to **TriXy** for being extra amazing and writing a book (review) that made me laugh – if no one else had reviewed, I would have posted the chapter for you! I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)

**WARNING: I am rating this as M. Please let me know if you need the PG-13 version. :)**

-------

She now knew why she felt like an 18 wheeler had run over her this morning as she was again slammed up against a door. Alex had become forceful and obviously stronger in the three years she had been gone._Not that I'm complaining_, Olivia thought as Alex reached behind her to lock the door to her office. Olivia let her hands run up Alex's bare silky legs and under the hem of her skirt, lifting it slightly. Alex pushed into her, wanting more of a connection, and softly bit down on Olivia's neck. When Olivia moaned, Alex took this as her cue to step back, sliding the tips of her fingers into the front of Olivia's jeans. She walked backwards, pulling Olivia with her across the room and over to her desk. When she reached the desk, she pushed Olivia against it, positioning herself between Olivia's legs. Alex bent into Olivia, reaching behind her and swiping everything from her desk in one swift movement. Olivia watched the papers go wildly flying around the desk until she felt Alex lifting her shirt off. She raised her arms to help and watched as her shirt became entangled with the papers now littering the floor. Obviously Alex did not want to waste any time because before Olivia knew it, she was being pushed down onto the desk. She used her forearms to help her move up the desk so Alex could climb on top of her. But Alex didn't climb; instead, she gripped Olivia's hips and yanked them back to her before bending down and kissing her again.  
_**  
**_**_Put me on the table, make me say your name_**

----

"So, where's Olivia?" John plopped down into Olivia's chair, folding his hands and leaning on her desk toward Elliot.

Elliot looked up from his paper work and shook his head. There was no way he was getting into that situation with the king of gossip.

"You know, I _was_ there last night. I _do _know who she left with." His eyebrows lifted as he tried to convince Elliot to tell him.

Elliot offered him a smile and went back to his papers. "Then you aren't missing anything."

John groaned and rolled his eyes, standing up and retreating to his desk. On his way over he caught Fin's eye and shook his head, admitting defeat. Fin gave him the 'you're pathetic' look before walking over to the coffee machine. John sat down in his chair, slumping and wondering where Olivia could be.

----

She never, in three years at least, thought she would be in this position again. The one where her back was plastered against the rich mahogany of a desk writhing under a beautiful blonde. But here she was, gripping the edges of the desk as Alex's talented lips were making their way down her torso. Olivia looked down as Alex began unbuttoning her jeans, her beautiful blonde hair tickling the sides of Olivia's bare stomach. She lifted her hips, allowing Alex to pull her jeans down her legs. Alex tossed the jeans and underwear behind her, letting them hit the wall. She gave Olivia a wicked grin before bending down and taking her first taste of the brunette in years. At the contact Olivia arched her back off the desk and gripped the wood so hard her knuckles turned white.

-----

"Where the hell is Olivia?" Cragen came up beside of Elliot's desk, hands on his hips.

Elliot looked up from his paperwork. "Alex needed her for something. Why?"

"Well, for one I haven't seen her all morning. And two, I just got a call from Homicide. Suspected rape. A 4-year-old autistic boy was involved."

Elliot squinted in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

Cragen nodded. "The boy wasn't harmed, we don't think. It was his mother and he's the only witness. I want to try to get him in here, see if he can tell us anything."

Elliot rubbed his face with his hand before standing and grabbing his keys. "Alright, I'll go…find Liv and head over there."

Cragen retreated back into his office as Elliot walked out of the squad room. As he made his way over to the courthouse he dialed Olivia's number, hoping she would pick up so he wouldn't actually have to go inside.

----

"Phone's ringing." Alex mumbled from her place between Olivia's open legs.

Olivia gripped a handful of hair on the back of Alex's head and pushed her back down. She raised her hips off of the desk to increase the sensation as she tried to block out the insistent ringing. The ringing stopped and Alex curled the fingers inside of Olivia, using her other hand to cover Olivia's mouth. The scream was still audible but much less than what would have been had her hand not been there. Alex waited until Olivia's breathing evened out before crawling up the desk and on top of her.

_**I can sit and listen or I can make you scream**_

"Olivia and Alex, put your clothes back on and get out here." Elliot was in no mood for this.

Alex jumped off of Olivia at the sound of his voice and hauled Olivia off of her desk. She straightened her skirt and threw Olivia's pants at her. Olivia shoved them on, not bothering to care where her underwear had ended up. She tugged her shirt on as Alex smoothed her hair and walked over to the door. She unlocked it and yanked it open to find Elliot leaning up against the wall, waiting.

"Let's go." He took one look at her and started off down the hall.

Alex turned back and grabbed her briefcase, waiting a beat for Olivia to follow closely behind. As they stepped out of her office they were met with a sea of shocked faces. Alex blushed and walked faster in the direction Elliot had just gone, hoping Olivia was still close behind. They rode to the crime scene in uncomfortable silence until Elliot stopped the car and turned around to the backseat where Alex was sitting. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of mints and extended his hand to her.

"I'm sure you'll need this." Elliot seemed to find this amusing but Alex was mortified.

She grabbed a mint and threw open the car door, slamming it when she got out. Olivia glared at her partner and followed Alex, slamming her own door and stomping up to the apartment. Elliot laughed to himself before exiting the car and walking in the same direction.

When she entered the apartment, Olivia could tell that this case would be unlike any other she had seen in her 9 years on the force. It was eerily quiet and the other officers seemed to give you a look of sympathy if you happened to look in their direction. Olivia shrugged it off as she walked through the apartment, Alex trailing behind her. She stopped short when she came to the crime scene, causing Alex to bump into her from behind. Alex stared over Olivia's shoulder at the scene before them. On the floor was the body, a white sheet covering it, and an empty room. Aside from the boy in the corner who was staring at the ceiling, spinning like a top, and flapping his arms wildly. Olivia looked back at Alex, her eyes wide. Alex glanced at her for a minute before placing her briefcase on the floor and pushing past Olivia to enter the room. She walked across the room, directly over to the spinning boy and stood before him. She watched him for a minute as he ignored her.

"Quiet hands." She told him sternly, hoping this would work.

She knew that children with autism were not the same, what worked for some did not work for others. But she really hoped that something of what she knew would work on him. To her surprise, and relief, he stopped flapping his arms wildly.

"My name is Alex. Your name?" She asked, using simplistic language in an effort to get him to communicate with her.

He didn't and she turned toward Olivia and Elliot who were staring at the both of them in awe. "Joey."

Alex turned back to the spinning boy. "Joey, stop."

He stopped spinning but started flapping his hands again. She knelt down to his level, looking at his flapping hands instead of trying to make eye contact which she knew would be a lost cause.

"Book?" Alex moved her hands to sign book, just in case he could not understand her.

Joey stared at her hands before mimicking her actions. Alex smiled and held out her hand. He took it and she shielded him from the view of his mother as she walked him out of the room. Olivia and Elliot continued to stare as Alex took the brown-haired boy across the apartment and into a room they assumed to be his. When they disappeared behind the door, Elliot turned to Olivia.

"Did you know?" Elliot asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I had no idea she knew sign language or how to communicate with someone with autism." Olivia shrugged, wondering when Alex had the time to pick up these talents.

----

An hour later Alex emerged from the bedroom, carrying the sleeping boy on her hip. She walked over to the kitchen where Olivia and Elliot were going through the cabinets. When Olivia saw her she stopped searching and came over.

"He's asleep. Are you two almost finished?" Alex whispered once Olivia was in ear-shot.

Olivia nodded and looked back into the kitchen where Elliot was still searching. "Lots of supplements but nothing we can really determine as evidence."

"Supplements?" Alex asked.

Olivia turned back to her and nodded. "You know, like vitamins."

"I know what supplements are. Can you bag them? Try to see if you can find a list or something to see what should be given?" Alex asked, making her way into the kitchen and pointing to the fridge. Olivia came to stand next to her, opening it with a gloved hand so Alex could see inside. Without touching, Alex took in the contents of the fridge, hoping to get an idea of what the sleeping child in her arms ate. She nodded to Olivia when she was finished looking and quietly slipped back out of the kitchen.

---

A/N: I understand that writing about autism is sometimes a risky thing to do. I have personal experience with the epidemic that is now sweeping our nation so I felt that this would be a good way to help others see what I do. I will try to portray this character in the best way that I know and I hope you understand the love from which this character was written. If you have any questions, comments, etc. about autism I will gladly try to answer them!!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own this story...and Joey whom I love. Ask if you want to know where the lyrics came from!

Summary: The adventures of Alex and Joey…and some Olivia for good measure

Author's Note: Sometimes I make architectural shit up, like the showers at the police station. Anyway, thanks sooooooo much for the reviews!! ) You guys rock!

------

Every time the psychologist would put crayons and paper in front of the boy he would push them away and resume the task of lining up his matchbox cars along the table. The cars were lined up fender to bumper all the way across the soft wood of the table in the children's viewing area. Olivia watched as, for the most part, the boy acted as if Dr. Huang was non-existent. Her partner, who was also in the room, was, by this time, staring blankly at the cars as they were lined up over and over again until they were just perfect. Olivia blinked her eyes and stifled a yawn with her hand as Huang, once again, tried to get the boy to use the paper and crayons. She jumped at the small shuffle that led to a loud bang coming from the outside door and quickly opened it. Alex pushed the rest of the way through the opening, arms full. Olivia watched her juggle the pile of books in one arm and a sippy-cup in the other.

"Olivia." Alex tried to get her attention.

"Hmm?" Olivia redirected her attention to Alex's face and noticed she was staring at the door that would lead her into the room.

Olivia nodded her apology and opened it for her before following her into the room. Elliot's head snapped up at their presence and he jumped out of the chair, ready to switch with Olivia. Olivia took the seat he had previously vacated and sat to watch the display. Alex walked over to Joey, carefully cradling the books and drink. He lifted his eyes to her when she stopped beside of him, ignoring his cars for the moment.

"Alex." Joey said hesitantly, his eyes shifting all over the objects she was carrying.

"Alex, right! I'm Alex. Good job buddy." Alex smiled at the boy and unloaded the books onto the table before placing the sippy-cup into his hands. He gladly took the drink, sucking like he had not had anything to drink in hours, which, in reality, he probably hadn't. Alex placed her briefcase on the floor and sat in the empty chair at the table. A quick glance to Huang told her this wasn't going well at all so she turned back to Joey who was now flicking his hands against one of the books she had brought him. She gently laid her hands on his and leaned in.

"Joey, we're going to do some work now so I can tell how much you know, okay? Then we can play with the books again." Alex waited for him to lean back and take his drink again before removing the books from the table.

She reached into her briefcase and pulled out a large stack of flash cards and placed them on the desk in front of her. She picked up the first three cards and placed them in front of Joey.

"Joey, point to the dog." She directed, staring at him.

He reached his hand forward and pointed to the picture of the dog before pulling his arm back and waiting for the next command. Olivia watched in awe as Alex asked the boy to identify random animals and objects on the flash cards before him. She noticed that Alex's suit was starting to wrinkle and her hair was in slight disarray. It was well into the night by now and they had made little progress with the boy while Alex was away buying books and flashcards for the boy. Alex, who was some kind of genius with this boy, had gotten him to point to and locate countless objects without him saying a word. Olivia assumed that he was mostly non-verbal since the only thing she had heard from him was Alex's name. Which, Olivia figured, if she were only going to say one thing, it would probably be Alex's name as well. Olivia watched as Alex placed pictures of a woman and man on the table in front of Joey.

"Which one is the girl?" Alex asked, hoping that he would know this important difference.

She inwardly squealed with glee when he chose the correct answer. Alex opted for a harder question, hoping he would be able to tell her.

"Which one was in your house today, Joey?" Alex bit her lip slightly waiting for his answer.

His eyes flicked up to hers for a moment, briefly making contact before pointing his finger to the picture of the man. Alex's breath hitched, hoping desperately for this to be what he really saw and not just a fluke. She smiled at the boy and took the pictures away before placing pictures down with the different hair colors.

"What color was the man's hair that was in your house?" Alex hoped the long sentence wouldn't deter him from answering the question.

Joey pointed to the grey haired person before he started flicking his hands again against the table. Alex noted his behavior and quickly went back to the simple object and animal questioning she had been doing. She placed three new cards on the table and quieted Joey's hands.

"Where's the bat?" Alex asked, hoping this was a simple enough question.

She knew something was wrong when Joey's eyes widened and instead of pointing to the bat, he grabbed the picture, flicking his hands fiercely on it. Alex pulled the picture from his hands as he started screaming at the top of his lungs. She pushed the cards away from him and tried to grab a hold of him as he slithered out of his chair. She glanced quickly at Huang, hoping he wouldn't interfere, before she stood and placed her glasses on the table, watching the boy for a moment. He was now running around the small room, flapping his hands and screaming at the top of his lungs. Alex waited until he came closer to her before grabbing him into her arms and entangling their limbs. She let herself slide to the ground, holding tightly to the boy in her arms. She squeezed tighter until his head no longer banged against her chest and his wails stopped. Alex tucked his head under her chin and held him close to her body when he wrapped his arms around her.

-----

When Alex stepped out of the crib she looked exhausted, dark circles were taking up residence under her blue eyes behind her glasses. Olivia reached her hand out, hoping Alex would take it. She did and they stood there a moment, just staring at each other.

**_We'll fill in the missing colors in each other's paint-by-number dreams_**

"I had no idea you were so good with kids. Not to mention a child with autism." Olivia broke the silence with her awe-filled words.

Alex seemed to blush, it was hard to tell in the dark, and hung her head. "My nephew has autism. He's a little more verbal than Joey, but we really have no idea how verbal Joey is since he's still obviously traumatized. I just want to help him. I hope his aunt is a really nice lady who is willing to take care of that little boy for the rest of her life. I would hate to see.."

Olivia cut her off. "It'll be okay." She pulled Alex into a tight embrace, kissing her forehead.

Alex was the first to pull back, looking down into the station house. It was mostly dark, aside from the light on at Elliot's and Olivia's desks. The rest of the squad had decided it was best to stop for the night so they could get a fresh start tomorrow.

"Why don't you sleep? It's really late and I don't think we can do anymore." Olivia offered gently.

Alex nodded and rubbed her eyes, looking back toward the crib door. She took Olivia's hand in hers as she followed Olivia down the stairs. They stopped when they got to the illuminated desks where Elliot was falling asleep.

"Hey El," Olivia whispered, nudging his arm. "Would you mind sitting here and listening for Joey while I take Alex down to clean up before bed?"

Elliot rubbed his face, his eyes heavy from sleep. "No, go ahead."

Olivia whispered her thanks and walked over to her locker, pulling out a gym bag. Alex watched from the desks until Olivia came back to lead the way. Olivia smiled a bit as Alex took in her surroundings once they were downstairs. She moved around Alex and turned the shower on, placing her bag on the floor. When she turned back Alex had stripped herself of her clothes and moved closer to Olivia. Suddenly her eyes didn't seem so tired, the blue was vibrant and smoldering. Olivia felt herself slightly unable to breathe as the steam from the now hot shower filled the small room. Alex watched as Olivia shed her clothes quickly and closed the distance between the two. Olivia held on tight as Alex gently pushed them back into the hot spraying water.

**_And then we'll put our dark glasses on and make love until our strength is gone_**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I own the story. If I owned anything else, this is clearly what I would do with them.

**Summary: **A rough patch. Old habits die hard.

**Author's Note: **I hope you like. Thanks for reading and reviewing:)

---- 

"Do you have any idea who would do something like this?" Olivia softly asked the lady positioned across from her in the interrogation room.

The lady shook her head, running a hand through her short brown hair. Joey's aunt, Amelia Delacruz, had arrived a few hours ago from Ohio. They had notified her right away of her sister's murder but as a mother of two and a special education teacher, she had to wait until the following morning to take the 6 a.m. flight. She came into the precinct flustered, as if she too had been up for days, and Olivia had immediately led her into an interrogation room.

"Do you know if Cassandra was having any problems?" Olivia tried another question.

Amelia looked up. "Well, she was in the process of trying to get Joey moved to Hudson Guild's pre-school." Olivia nodded for her to continue. "The principal at his old school, P.S 33, was giving her a hard time for moving him and she was pretty upset about that."

Olivia wrote this down. "Why was he giving her a hard time?"

Amelia folded her hands. "Apparently they have had a lot of children leave the school this year. It's not doing so well. Cassie told me she wasn't seeing progress with Joey and looked into Hudson as a better place for him."

"Any financial problems or other things in her life that you can think of?"

She shook her head. "Joey's father passed away two years ago and it was hard for them for a while, but Cassie had finally gotten everything worked out and they had been doing well." She wiped at a tear. "Poor Joey, first his father, then his mother, he doesn't need this."

Olivia pursed her lips and gave the women a sympathetic squeeze on her forearm. "You wanna see him?"

When Amelia answered, Olivia rose and led her to the children's observation room where Alex was playing a game with Joey. As they entered the observation part, Amelia smiled and went over to the glass, placing her hand on it. She watched them play for a moment before dropping her hand and turning toward Olivia.

"She's really good with him." Amelia smiled and turned back to the glass.

Olivia grinned. "Yeah, she really is. She's the lawyer in charge of Cassandra's case. Her name is Alex Cabot."

Amelia nodded and turned to look at Olivia again. "Can I…"

"Sure." Olivia opened the door leading into the room and allowed Amelia to walk through. Alex looked up when they entered and smiled, knowing who it was immediately. Joey continued to play and didn't look up until Amelia was crouched down next to him. He gave her a sideways glance before smiling and returning to his toys. Amelia looked at Alex, giving her a small smile of thanks.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, okay Joey? Your aunt is here to play with you." Alex smiled at the boy and stood, walking over to the door where Olivia still lingered.

Olivia smiled when she neared and allowed Alex back through the door before following, closing the door behind them. Alex crossed her arms and looked through the window.

"Did you check her out?" Alex needed to know.

Olivia frowned. "Of course, Alex, do you think I'm stupid?"

She hadn't meant it to come out as mean but Alex wasn't going to answer her. "I just want to make sure he is safe."

"I know Alex, so do I." Olivia moved closer but stopped when Alex continued to stand there, seemingly ignoring her presence.

"Tell me about her." Alex moved closer to the glass to watch.

Olivia knew Alex was clearly too wrapped up in this case. "She's a special education teacher in Cleveland, Ohio. She has two other children and a really nice husband who works for an insurance company. Anything else?"

Alex shook her head. Olivia walked toward her and placed a hand on her back. Alex finally turned to look at her, turning away from the glass.

"Olivia," She started and then stopped, bringing her arms tighter around her.

"What?" Olivia asked softly, trying to look into her eyes.

Alex let Olivia catch her eyes which were slowly welling up. Olivia stepped forward which caused Alex to take a step back. At Olivia's worried expression, Alex shook her head and looked down.

"I can't do this." Alex whispered, barely loudly enough for Alex to hear.

"Can't do what?" Olivia looked at the glass behind Alex and then back.

"This." Alex looked up, meeting Olivia's confused expression. "Us."

Olivia's eyes widened. That wasn't what she thought was going to come out of Alex's mouth. Olivia's eyes quickly welled with tears and she looked into Alex's eyes.

"Wh…Why?" Olivia fumbled for the word.

Alex bit her lip. "It's just all so…sudden. I mean, I've been gone, for a really long time."

Olivia put her hands on her hips, she wasn't letting go without a fight. "Yeah, and I thought we were on the same page, that it scared the hell out of both of us. What happened Alex? I thought we were doing fine."

Alex shook her head, refusing still to look at Olivia. "Three years is a long time," She repeated. "You moved on. And I had another life and then I came back and it's all been so fast."

Olivia knew Alex was rambling. "Alex, stop, okay? I never _moved on_, we didn't think you were coming back. But you did and I thought that we were okay."

Olivia put her hands on Alex's arms and Alex let her. "We're fine, Olivia. But I can't just pick this relationship back up where we left off." She looked into Olivia's eyes. "In fact, when I left, you were in the process of pretending like we never even had a relationship."

Alex's words burned and Olivia dropped her hands. Alex took one last angry look at her before turning and walking back through the door to Joey and Amelia. Olivia stood there for a few minutes after the door had shut before making her way out into the squad room. Her heart was pounding and her face was hot. Olivia slowly, as if in a trance, walked toward the doors.

**_When you walk away, I count the steps that you take_**

Elliot looked up as she walked by their desks. "Liv, you okay?"

When Olivia didn't answer he frowned and watched her walk out of the squad room.

-------

As the smoke smell filled her lungs, Alex smiled and exhaled. She glanced around the packed room, letting her eyes scan the bar area for any signs of familiarity. When she saw no one she recognized, Alex made her way over to the leather stools and sat down. Almost immediately she felt the presence of the bartender.

"Alex?" She looked up at him, watching him blink in disbelief.

Alex smiled and nodded. "The one and only."

"I thought you…" He was still staring at her as if she would vanish at any moment.

She shook her head. "Long story."

He seemed to get that she didn't want to talk about it and nodded. He leaned over the bar and kissed her cheek briefly, then pulled back and blushed. "It's great to have you back then. One straight tequila coming up." He gave her a toothy grin before pushing off the bar to get her drink.

Alex smiled and sighed. _At least some things don't change._ She looked around the room again before pulling a pack of cigarettes from her purse that she had picked up after work. She inhaled deeply once the cigarette was lit and let the smoke sit for a minute before blowing it out. When she was Emily, she never touched them or tequila. Red wine was more of Emily's thing. Just like men were Emily's thing. Emily also enjoyed long walks on the beach and cozy nights at home cooking masterpiece dinners she saw on the Food Network Channel. Emily couldn't be more different from Alex if she tried. Which she did try, thinking of the most contrasting hobbies and forcing herself to be the best at them. Alex took another long drag of her cigarette as Josh, she remembered, put her drink on the bar in front of her. She smiled at him and downed it within seconds. She placed the glass in front of him and he winked at her before setting off to get her another. She wasn't interested in Josh, she never was, but Emily would have been, anything to be different from Alex.

After her forth shot of tequila, Alex felt her head start to spin. It had been a long time since she had felt the potent alcohol slide down her throat. She noticed that Josh hadn't been back to refill her glass and she looked around the bar to see where he was. When she spotted him, he looked at her and shook his head. Alex rolled her eyes and grabbed another cigarette from the pack. She felt someone slide onto the stool next to her and she smirked, hoping it was someone entertaining at least. She turned and sighed when she realized who it was.

"Fin." She took another drag. "Nice to see you here."

Fin nodded and glanced at the cigarette in her hand. "Hey Cabot. Never knew you to be one to smoke."

Alex shrugged and held out the pack. "Want one?"

Fin shook his head and ordered a water when Josh came back over. Josh looked from Fin to Alex, concerned. Fin gave him a look as if to say everything was okay and Josh put his water on the counter and walked away. He took a long sip before turning back to her.

"So, we've missed you." Fin tried.

Alex offered him a small smile. "Witness protection was boring compared to working with you guys."

Fin laughed and offered her a sip of his water, which she gladly accepted. He watched her place her head on her forearm, laying it down on the bar.

"Hey, how about we get you home?" Fin hoped she would agree since he really didn't want to leave her here to find a way home herself. He was glad when she nodded and let him help her from the bar stool. He looked back, glancing at Josh as he put his arm around her. Josh smiled, glad someone was helping her home so he wouldn't have to call a taxi like old times. Fin nodded before walking them both out of the bar.

-----

Olivia shoved the key into her door, semi-glad to be home. She closed the door behind her and threw the key onto the table near the door before realizing the light was already on. Her breath hitched in her throat. She hadn't been home in days but knew that she hadn't left the light on the last time she was here. Olivia took a quick inventory of the living room and kitchen areas, as much as she could see.

"Olivia, it's me." A man's voice came from down the hallway, knowing she would be concerned.

Olivia let the air she was holding in go. "Thanks."

She started toward the hallway when something on the couch caught her eye. She stopped and walked toward it, sitting down on the couch before grabbing it in her hands. Olivia looked down at it before burying her face in the material. Alex must have left her sweater the last time she had been there. Tears welled in Olivia's eyes as she inhaled the soft strawberries and crème scent.

"Liv, I…" Blake stopped abruptly at the end of the hallway when he noticed her sitting on the couch.

He cautiously walked toward her, hoping she would want to be near him. When he got closer he noticed that a steady stream of tears were making their way down her face. Blake sat down next to her, forgetting that he had a bunch of boxes left to take to his car. Olivia looked up at him when he sat, clutching the sweater tighter in her hands. No explanation was needed as he took her in his arms, allowing her to cry into his shirt while rubbing her back.

**_And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor and they smell just like you_**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **I own the story and the random people in it

**Summary: **One-night-stand. Exhaustion.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the comments, you guys rock ;-). I hope you enjoy this part! Comments, of any nature, are much appreciated! Happy Holidays!!!!

-----

She held the file in her hand, staring down at her thumbnail with the chipped clear polish. Olivia sighed, dropped the file onto her desk and began picking at the rest of the polish.

Elliot cleared his throat. "What do you say we get out of here? Go get a couple of drinks, just me and you?"

It was Friday and they were only still at the precinct because Olivia had decided they needed to go through every piece of evidence on the Cassandra Levy case, again. Elliot knew it was only because she didn't want to go home. She had told him about Alex this morning over coffee when he picked her up for work. He felt bad for her but didn't want to sit there staring at words that became a jumbled mess hours ago. Elliot watched her look up at him, as if weighing the positives and negatives of going.

He saw her frown and jumped up. "Come on, I don't want to go home and I don't want to drink by myself either."

She seemed relieved that he had given her a reason. "Okay, let's go."

---

As she looked around the bar she wondered why she even agreed to come here. The smoke smell was almost unbearable and the patrons were far too drunk at this hour; it reminded her of Alex. She was sitting with her back against the bar next to Elliot who was nursing a beer in the same position. Olivia's rum and coke was not doing much of anything to make her forget about Alex. In fact, it was helping her remember all of the times she had watched Alex chain smoke and drink herself into oblivion. She rolled her eyes as a girl, who couldn't have been older than 19 and shouldn't even have been in a bar, danced around a group of older men.

"My thoughts exactly." Came a sultry voice to her right.

Olivia turned her head to look at the person whom she hadn't even noticed was sitting next to her until they spoke. She did notice that the women had long red hair that framed her face and intense green eyes. Olivia blinked and then smiled. The woman held out a perfectly manicured hand.

"London Ramsey." She gave her name and smiled sweetly at Olivia, perfectly white teeth shining.

"Olivia." She took the outstretched hand, noticing how soft the skin was.

She dropped her hand almost as quickly as she took it and turned back toward the man who was supposed to be on her other side. Elliot had obviously either gone to the bathroom or skipped out on her once London had arrived. Olivia smirked at the name and fixed her gaze on a game of pool.

"So, London huh?" She couldn't hide the smile that played on her lips. "Haven't heard that particular name before."

Out of the corner of her eye Olivia could see the redhead shrug. "What can I say? My parents loved England."

Olivia nodded and finished her drink and placed the empty glass on the bar. She watched as London stood, her tight jeans hugging her perfectly. Olivia let her eyes travel the length of her body, stopping when they reached her clavicle, Olivia's favorite part of the body, especially when the bones jutted out, exactly like Alex's. London's eyes were on fire by the time Olivia reached them.

"Would you like to dance?" London offered.

"No." Olivia answered.

Olivia stood and knew she was just about drunk by the way the entire room spun for a few moments before she got her bearings. She looked up at London, who was still standing there shocked at never having been shot down so quickly, or at all really. Olivia grinned and took her hand, weaving them through the other patrons toward the door.

"Is there anyone you need to…" Olivia stopped and asked before stepping outside.

When London shook her head, Olivia grinned and pulled her outside to catch a cab.

**_In my head the demons said move on_**

**-----**

She waited until London had the door to her apartment open before pushing her in and kissing her. The cab ride had been a little awkward, both wanting to kiss but neither wanting to give the cab driver a show. She let London give the driver her address because, even though Olivia's apartment was closer, she had no intention of staying the night with the women next to her. Olivia had silently hoped Elliot had left the bar and had not been in the bathroom. She didn't want to just ditch him, kind of like he did to her, and also didn't want him calling all night wondering if she got home safely, or at all. She also hoped that London would be nothing like Alex because she really couldn't handle that, tonight especially. London didn't have blonde hair or glasses or blue eyes and she wasn't particularly tall. Olivia smiled when she had asked and found out that London wasn't a lawyer either.

Olivia had London backed against the wall, kissing down her neck to her favorite spot. She gently flicked the sensitive skin of the dip in her neck with her tongue, eliciting a moan from the small woman. Her fingers were brushing against the smooth, hot skin of London's stomach when Olivia made her way back up, kissing her deeply. London was pulling her close, attempting to rid her of her shirt by the time the kiss had ended. Olivia stepped back and allowed her shirt to go flying across the room, grinning when the next thing to go were London's pants. When London finally screamed her name, Olivia was just happy that her voice didn't sound like Alex's.

-----

She rolled over and squinted at the clock, not able to read the numbers or the hands in the dark. She listened for the deep breathing next to her before climbing out from underneath the pink comforter. Olivia quickly tip-toed for the door, knowing that all of her clothes had been discarded near the front door earlier. She quickly tugged on the items, careful to be as quiet as possible, before slipping out of the door. Once outside, she leaned against the wood, allowing herself to catch her breath and hoping that London had been on the same page as she. Olivia never meant this as anything other than a one-night-stand and hoped she hadn't led the woman on. She pushed herself from the door and felt her pockets, checking for the cell phone and keys previously there. She continued down the stairs and out of the apartment when she felt them through the denim. She was wide awake now, breathing in the smoggy air. Olivia turned toward her apartment, took a step and then turned back around, walking confidently in the other direction. She should have taken a cab, she knew, considering that it was pretty late and she didn't have her gun on her still. Olivia kept her senses alert as she walked briskly toward the precinct. Once outside of the building, Olivia frowned and looked around. She had figured that once she had come here she would be tired and ready to curl up on a cot in the crib. That wasn't the case and she looked further down the street, weighing her options. Olivia looked at her reflection bouncing off the glass window, tugging down her shirt and smoothing her hair, tucking pieces behind her ears which fell back almost right away. She started further down the street, walking a few blocks and coming to a stop outside of the criminal courts building. Olivia looked up and started up the steps, she knew that a security guard would be here but it was debatable whether he'd let her in or not. She decided to try her luck and knocked lightly on the outer glass door, pulling her badge out of her jacket pocket while waiting. When he came to the door, he looked puzzled, giving her a confused look. She pressed the badge against the glass, giving him time to inspect it. A moment later he opened the door but stood in front of it.

"Can I help you?" His hands were on his hips.

She knew that this looked really suspicious but she couldn't have helped herself if she tried. "Um, I'm here to see Alex Cabot."

He squinted his eyes at her before turning to get his sign-in list. He quickly scanned it, looking up at her over the clipboard every few names to see if she was still really standing there. She watched his eyes widen in surprised and she held her breath, hoping that he wasn't going to kick her out. Instead, he moved away from the door, holding it open so she could enter. Olivia let the breath she was holding out and smiled at him, nodding her thanks, before walking through the metal detectors. Once on the elevator she rubbed at her face and looked at herself in the skewed elevator doors. She remembered a few weeks ago when she was standing in this same elevator, looking at herself. But Alex had also been with her and things had turned out better than Olivia felt they would tonight. When the elevator opened, Olivia stepped out, looking down the hall toward the light shining from Alex's office. As she walked, she tried to formulate what exactly she was going to say to her. _Just in the neighborhood, wanted to say hi? _No, that was obviously a lie. _Just skipped out on a one-night-stand and I couldn't sleep, came to see if you felt the same way? _The truth sucked too. She breathed in deep outside of Alex's office before knocking lightly on the half-open door. The blonde looked startled when she saw Olivia standing in the doorway. Not knowing what to do, Alex just continued staring until Olivia came in, shutting the door behind her.

"Uh, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Alex's voice was laced with exhaustion.

Olivia shrugged and stood still in front of her desk. "I…really have no idea what I'm doing here."

Olivia chuckled at herself, embarrassed that she just admitted that. Her laughter came harder when she realized Alex was laughing at her too. When the laughter finally stopped, Alex stood, coming to stand beside of her desk, still not really sure what to do. Olivia slipped her jacket off, letting it land on the chair beside of her, and turned toward Alex. Alex bit her lip and looked at the floor.

"Well, what are _you_ doing here?" Olivia tried, hoping to at least get a conversation started.

Alex looked up, rubbed her eyes, and gestured toward her desk as if it were the answer. "This case is…really driving me nuts."

Olivia nodded at her frustration, knowing how it felt. "Me too."

"Couldn't sleep either?" Alex looked back at Olivia.

This was a nice answer, Olivia thought. "Yeah. I suppose I got lucky that you can't either."

Alex folded her arms, squinting her eyes. "How _did_ you get in here?"

Olivia laughed out loud. "I think the security guard was ready to arrest me but I just flashed my badge and asked for you. Lucky for me, you were still here. If you hadn't been I am sure I'd be sitting in lock-up right about now."

Alex laughed at this too. "Lucky for you. I wouldn't have bailed you out either."

Olivia feigned shock. "Nice to know!"

Alex laughed. "Kidding."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Sure you were."

Alex blushed and looked at the floor before yawning loudly. She brought her hand quickly to her mouth, embarrassed.

Olivia grinned. "Tired?"

She watched as Alex nodded, taking her glasses from her face. "Me too actually."

Alex bit her lip and looked at her desk, then the couch, then the door. "I don't really…want to go home."

Olivia knew what she meant. "Yeah, me either."

"Quite a predicament we're in then, huh?"

"Quite." Olivia nodded toward the couch. "You could always sleep there?"

Alex looked back to the couch, staring at it as if she was making the biggest decision in her life. She looked back to Olivia who was nervously fidgeting. "Only if you'll sleep there with me?"

Olivia's head snapped up at the comment. It was what she hoped but hadn't wanted to presume with the way things had been going for them lately. Alex's small smile was sincere, letting Olivia know she was really serious. She kicked off her shoes quickly and looked down at Alex's bare feet. Meeting Olivia's eyes, Alex shrugged before following her over to the couch. Olivia laid down, making herself comfortable before reaching her arms up into the air. Alex took this as her cue, settling herself on top of Olivia, maneuvering so that she wasn't completely suffocating the brunette. Once Alex was settled in, Olivia wrapped her arms around her, holding her close and placing a kiss on the top of her head before drifting off into a deep sleep.

**_When you think of me, remember the way that I used to be, remember the times I held you tenderly_**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I own the story and a few characters. Unfortunately, Dick owns the rest.

**Summary: **Morning. A date. Resolution.  
**Author's Note: **So...my only excuse is that I have been hella busy with…life the past few months which has made it super crazy for me to update anything. Thank you all for still reading! Please continue to review, I love reading what you all think. So without further ado...

--

An abrupt knocking on the door startled Alex out of her sleep. She groaned and pushed her face deeper into Olivia's chest at the sight of the sun shining through the windows. Olivia moved a little, gripping Alex tighter and turning her head. Alex heard the click of the door as it swung open and jumped from Olivia's embrace. Not quickly enough, she realized as she took sight of her assistant's expression.

"I, uh, I'm…sorry." Her assistant, Nikki, stammered, turning around to stare at the door.

Alex blushed, running a hand through her messy hair and straightening her clothes from yesterday. "No, it's okay Nikki."

She nudged Olivia who hadn't woken up with all the commotion. Alex watched Olivia rub her eyes and squint toward the door before pushing herself into a sitting position. Her hair probably looked worse than Alex's at the moment and Alex stifled laughter as she watched Olivia lazily tug on the bottom of her shirt.

"What time is it?" Olivia's question came through a yawn.

"Uh," Nikki looked at her watch. "Eleven o'clock."

Olivia and Alex's eyes widened as they looked at each other. Olivia jumped off the couch, digging in her pockets for her cell phone, wondering why no one had called her. When she opened it she realized it was dead and groaned loudly before walking over to the desk for the shoes she had discarded earlier that morning.

"I just…came in to give you these." Nikki extended a hand full of papers toward Alex before slipping back out of the office and closing the door behind her.

Alex laid the papers on the couch next to her where Olivia had been moments before. She looked over toward Olivia, who was tugging on her shoes, before standing and walking toward the small closet. She pulled out a pink dress shirt, took off the hanger and slipped her current shirt off. Once she had pulled on the new shirt she turned around, buttoning the front, and looked up to see Olivia staring at her. Olivia blushed and looked down at her feet until Alex walked over to her.

"You wanna get some dinner later?" Alex asked softly, tilting her head to look Olivia in the eye.

Olivia looked up and gave her a grin. "If I'm not fired, sure!"

Alex laughed as Olivia made her way toward the door. Olivia leaned against the office door once she closed it behind her. Her whole body was on edge and glowing despite the fact that she had very little 

sleep on a cramped couch in the same clothes she'd been wearing since yesterday. Not to mention they were the same clothes she had put on just hours after sex with another woman. She grimaced at the thought, the mistake. Olivia made her way down the hall, remembering again that she was at least two hours late for work. Once outside of the building she jogged over to the precinct knowing she could hop into the shower or change her clothes at the very least once she got there. When she walked in Munch, Fin, and Elliot turned to watch her until she got to her locker.

"Late night Liv?" Elliot didn't seem too happy with her right now.

"Uh, something like that. Tell you about it later." Usually she didn't talk to him about these things but the prospect of getting back together with Alex was too exciting not to talk about.

She knew he was still mad at her lateness even though she promised details, so she showered and dressed as quickly as possible. As she was leaving the locker room she ran straight into Elliot who was walking down the hallway toward her. He dipped his head and grabbed her elbow, looking around to make sure no one was around.

"Hot red head upstairs wants to speak to you." His eyebrows rose.

Olivia's eyes widened. "The chick from the bar last night?"

Elliot nodded, clearly enjoying this turn of events. "That's the one."

"Shit." Olivia's eyes darted back and forth for an answer to her dilemma.

"So you mean, you were somewhere _else_ this morning that made you late?" He shook his head at her. "This just keeps getting better and better. I completely forgive you for missing half the day."

She scowled at him. "That's what I was going to tell you about later. I left her and went to Alex's office. That's where I was this morning at 11."

"Damn. Two women in one night." He smirked and leaned against the wall.

"It's not like that." She looked up at Elliot. "I want to be with Alex.

He nodded. "I know. So what are you going to do?"

She shrugged. "Could you take her to an interrogation room while I think of what to say to her?"

Elliot nodded and pushed himself off the wall, making his way down the hallway. "You still owe me Benson."

--

"Hey!" London stood from the table as Olivia walked in the door.

Olivia smiled, closing the door behind her and standing still. London noticed, moved back over to the table and sat down in the same chair, crossing her legs. Olivia folded her arms and moved toward the table before sitting in the chair across from her.

"So…" Olivia started, looking down at the scuffed up table. "I'm really sorry that I kind of just…left."

London shrugged. "To tell you the truth, I have no idea when you left, which is why I came here."

Olivia nodded and chuckled. "Sometime around 3 or 4 I think."

London smiled and rested a fist under her chin. "So, I take it you are involved with someone already or you just wanted it to be a one night stand."

Olivia blushed and looked up. "Something like that. I think you're a really great woman, but, there's someone I've been waiting three years for and I think that we finally have a chance to work things out. I don't want to mess that up."

London put her arm down and leaned forward slightly. "I understand that." She pulled a slip of paper from her back pocket before standing. Olivia took it from her extended hand. "Just in case things don't work out or you happen to know someone who likes a silly redhead who chases unavailable women."

Olivia laughed out loud and tucked the number into her pocket, silently reminding herself to add the number to her cell phone and throw away the evidence before dinner tonight. "You got it."

Olivia sat and watched London walk through the door before typing the number into her cell phone. When she finished, she stood and walked toward the door. Olivia stopped short as Casey, who was clearly looking the other way, came walking through the door. She held out her arms as Casey bumped into them.

"Oh, Olivia, sorry." Casey blushed and stepped back.

Olivia peered around Casey to try and see what she was looking so intently at. She smiled when she caught sight of the curled red hair swaying in the opposite direction. She looked back to Casey who blushed deeper and looked down. Olivia smirked and handed Casey the slip of paper with London's number on it. Casey beamed and slipped the paper into her pocket.

"So, what's up?" Olivia asked, maneuvering herself around Casey so she could get out of the interrogation room.

"Just wondering if you've talked to Warner yet?" Casey asked, following Olivia.

"No, why?" Olivia asked. "And what are you doing here on a Saturday?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Casey retorted.

"I'm here because it's six days a week until this case is solved." Olivia turned around. "Your turn."

Casey smiled. "I'm here because I needed to get some files to Alex and pick up some others. And I wanted to see how you guys were doing and I'm definitely glad I did."

Olivia smirked and folded her arms. "So what about Warner?"

Casey shrugged. "She was looking for you last night after she tried to get a hold of Alex, said she thinks she might have got something but you'll have to wait until Monday now since she's out of town this weekend. Some big convention thing."

Olivia nodded and started walking toward her desk again. While Casey wasn't Alex, Olivia didn't mind her too much. Except for the fact that she sometimes followed her around like a puppy a little longer than necessary. Luckily, Casey hadn't tried to make a pass at her either. The rest of the group seemed to get along with her well and Alex even mentioned that she was pretty happy with her replacement.

"Note for you." Elliot pointed toward the pink paper left on her desk with her name on the front. Olivia noticed the handwriting immediately and grinned, flipping it open. _Dinner at 6, even if you are fired? Call my cell - A. _Olivia laughed out loud and closed the note again before reaching to grab her cell phone, dialing the familiar number.

"Haven't been fired yet and 6 is great." Olivia turned her back toward Elliot and Casey. "Okay, see you then."

When she turned back around Elliot and Casey were staring at her, waiting to be informed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** If you sue, you won't get anything.  
**Summary:** Dinner. A trip to see Joey.  
**Author's Note:** As promised... I hope you enjoy. Please comment and let me know what you think!! And again, soooooo sorry it's taken so long!! Thanks for reading and your amazing comments! :)

--

Olivia smiled and stood when Alex entered the restaurant a few minutes after six. She walked around the table and pulled the chair out so Alex could sit before returning to her own seat. Olivia watched while Alex took the napkin and folded it neatly over her lap and took a sip of her water.

"How was your day? Nice to hear you weren't fired." Alex asked, placing the glass back on the table.

Olivia laughed. "Yeah, Cragen wasn't there today to fire me. So I'd say my day went pretty well. We really just looked over the files again and did some paperwork. How was your day?"

Alex smiled. "It was good. Woke up next to you, read over a few papers that Casey dropped off for me and then left around three. Pretty easy day."

Olivia smiled over at her and took a sip of her water.

"So, I wanted to ask you, who were you with last night?" Alex smoothed her napkin down on her lap, not looking up.

**_Somehow I always end up on the wrong side of this fight_**

Olivia's eyes widened. "Uh, you." Her voice was shaky and she knew it.

Alex looked up at the blatant lie. "You don't need to lie to me."

Olivia cleared her throat. This topic was not something Olivia wanted to get into over dinner. "Just someone I met at the bar Elliot dragged me to last night."

"Is that something you do often?" Alex asked.

Olivia wasn't sure how to take this. "About as much as you frequent bars."

Alex was surprised at Olivia's combative tone. She fiddled with her silverware, feeling uncomfortable. "That was uncalled for." Making a scene was not what Alex wanted, even if she was pissed off now.

Olivia sat there for a moment, watching Alex arrange and re-arrange her silverware.

"Look, you're right. That was uncalled for but it's been really hard on me Al. You might think I moved on when you left, but I didn't, everything was a constant reminder of you. Sometimes I just needed something to take my mind off of the whole situation."

Alex looked up finally, knowing what she meant by needing something to take your mind off of the situation. That's what she'd been doing for as long as she could remember but she wasn't ready to tell Olivia that. She clasped her hands in her lap and bit her lip. "Okay."

"Okay?" Olivia really wasn't in the mood for this tonight. Alex just nodded and smoothed her napkin down again. Olivia rolled her eyes and stood up. "Call me when you're ready to be with me."

**_No more choking on regrets to keep you satisfied_**

Alex watched, bewildered, as Olivia made her way through the maze of tables. The sick feeling in the pit of her stomach came back as she saw Olivia walk out of the restaurant. She surveyed the table, they hadn't gotten to the point of actually ordering anything yet and she hoped Olivia hadn't ordered them wine before she had arrived. Alex stood, grabbed her purse and wove through the sea of tables toward the door. Once outside, Alex looked to the right and left, hoping Olivia had opted not to take a taxi. The streets were pretty busy, considering it was a Saturday night in downtown Manhattan, so visibility was limited. She stood on her tip toes, hoping to at least be able to see over a few heads. Alex spotted Olivia to the left and began to weave through people, apologizing as she knocked into a few.

A few feet away Alex stopped, "Olivia!"

Alex waited until Olivia turned around fully before closing the distance between them. Olivia tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she waited for Alex to speak.

"I'm sorry." Alex started. "Can we just…start over?"

Alex nervously pushed up her glasses and hoped, even though she was prepared to, that she didn't have to beg. Olivia smiled, "Sure."

Alex beamed and looked back at the restaurant. "Are you still hungry? Because I'm pretty much starving."

Olivia laughed and looked in the same direction. "I am too but I think that they've already cleared our table and sat someone else down."

Alex turned back and wrinkled her nose. "But I'm hungry, maybe we could bribe them?"

Olivia shook her head and reached out for Alex's hand. "Let's just go to the diner down the street, I'm sure they'll be happy to feed us."

Alex nodded, smiling over at Olivia, and allowed her to guide her the rest of the way there.

--

The persistent buzzing of her doorbell roused Olivia from her sleep the next morning. She grumbled as she looked at the clock, which read 9:05, and stumbled toward the front door.

Still half asleep, Olivia pressed on the intercom. "What?"

She waited by the door for an answer. "It's Alex."

Olivia rubbed her eyes and pressed the button to open the door without saying anything else. She looked in the mirror on her wall and brushed her hair with her fingers, trying to look somewhat presentable. When she unlocked and opened the door, she found Alex standing on the other side. Olivia smiled as she held the door open for Alex to enter.

"I'm really sorry for waking you up, I should have called first." Alex turned around once she was through the doorway.

"No, it's okay." Olivia folded her arms under her chest, remembering that she was only wearing a sports bra and boxer shorts. "So, what's up?"

Alex removed her eyes from Olivia's body and turned around to walk farther into the apartment before turning back around. "Well, I really miss Joey so I figured we could go see him today."

Joey and his aunt Amelia had been staying in a nearby hotel while Amelia dealt with Cassandra's lawyers and all the necessary paperwork. This had been beneficial to the squad, and the reason why they were working six day weeks, so that if Joey suddenly started talking about it, or there were any other questions, they wouldn't have to communicate from Ohio.

Olivia smiled. "Let me get ready and we can go over, okay? Have you called to make sure they'll be there?"

Alex beamed and nodded. "Yep! I called on my way over here. I figured that, either way, I could always spend time with you."

Olivia grinned and walked toward the hallway. As she passed Alex, she pulled her in and kissed her softly on the lips. Just as quickly, she pulled away and continued toward the bathroom, leaving Alex standing in her living room. Alex stood still, smiling, for a few moments before going to sit on the couch and turn the television on. She watched the Food Network Channel, an odd comfort from the last three years, until Olivia re-emerged.

"Getting ideas for what you are going to cook for me tonight?" Olivia asked, running a hand through Alex's hair from behind the couch.

Alex smiled and used the remote to turn the television off. "Absolutely."

They walked hand in hand almost silently over to the hotel. Alex bounced slightly on the balls of her feet excitedly in the elevator on the way up to the forth floor. Olivia looked over at her and smiled, squeezing the hand she still held onto. Once the elevator came to a stop, Alex practically pulled Olivia down the hall toward room 408. Alex composed herself enough to knock on the door and wait patiently while they heard the locks click. Alex beamed as Amelia Delacruz opened the door.

"Ms. Cabot, Detective Benson. Hello! Do you have any new information?" Amelia figured the visit was professional. She looked down at their entwined hands and then back up. "Oh."

Alex blushed and dropped Olivia's hand. "Please call us Alex and Olivia." She smiled broadly as Amelia nodded. "And actually, we just came to see how Joey was doing."

"Unfortunately we don't have any more information on your sisters case at the moment." Olivia added, wanting to be honest with Amelia.

Amelia nodded again and opened the door to allow them to enter. The room was a decent size but, like most hotel rooms, seemed cluttered with furniture. There was a small table with two chairs near the doorway where they stood and two full size beds jutting out from the wall in the middle of the room. The television was on a small four drawer dresser about 3 feet from the beds. Joey was sitting in front of the television, rocking softly when they walked into the room. Alex quickly walked over to where he was sitting and knelt down to his level.

"Joey, look at me." Alex tapped her nose.

Joey looked at her from the corner of his eye before turning himself around to face her. His eyes flicked around the room before landing on hers again.

"Alex." Joey began rocking again.

"Can you give me a hug?" Alex stretched her arms out, hoping Joey would understand.

Joey moved himself toward her and allowed her to wrap her arms around him. She squeezed him tightly for a moment before pulling back, but to her surprise Joey pulled on her arms, wanting her to hug him again. Alex pulled him back into a tight squeeze, knowing he probably needed the pressure, until Joey pushed himself out of her arms. He turned back to the television again and Alex sat beside of him, leaning against the bed and enjoying the cartoon that was now playing.

"He really seems to like her." Amelia said, watching the pair as her and Olivia sat at the small table.

Olivia smiled and nodded. "Well she really likes him too."

Amelia turned back, focusing her attention on Olivia. "I hope he can learn to love me as much."

Olivia reached across the table and patted Amelia's hand. "He will. How is he adjusting?"

Amelia looked back to Joey. "Slowly but I think we're making some progress. He's stopped running in circles but he's still having nightmares."

Olivia knew that nothing she could say would make it better so she sat in silence as they watched Joey and Alex watch the cartoon. Joey had slowly moved closer to Alex and was now resting his arm on Alex's knee. As the sun came in through the large wall windows and reflected off of Alex's blonde hair, Olivia was mesmerized.

Amelia turned back to Olivia. "I didn't know you two were together."

Olivia turned to Amelia, looked over at Alex again, and then back at Amelia, smiling. "Yeah."

Amelia smiled in response. "I hope the two of you are happy together. It looks like she's great with kids."

"Yeah, she really is. Thank you." Olivia looked over at Alex who was laughing at something on the television.

Amelia looked at her watch before turning toward pair. "Okay Joey, we've got to get ready to go visit the lawyer again."

Olivia stood up. "Thanks for letting us come visit. Alex has been missing him a lot even though it's only been a few days."

Amelia laughed. "It's okay, Joey's been missing her too. If I don't tell him where we are going when we leave, he says 'Alex' and gets upset when I tell him no."

Olivia frowned. "Well, we'll definitely have to get together before you guys leave for Ohio."

Amelia nodded as Alex walked up holding Joey's hand. "We definitely will."

Alex smiled and looked down at Joey. "I'm leaving now but I will see you soon, okay Joey?"

Joey nodded in understanding before allowing Alex to hug him one last time. Alex thanked Amelia again and followed Olivia out. Once outside Alex walked slowly behind Olivia toward the elevator doors.

"You'll see him soon." Olivia reassured Alex as they waited for the elevators.

Alex only nodded in response before taking Olivia's hand in hers, stepping forward, and curling into her embrace.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** If you sue, you won't get anything but law school books.

**Summary:** Dinner.

**Author's Note:** Thank you all so much for sticking with this story! You guys are amazing.

--

"You hungry?" Olivia asked as they walked hand in hand back toward her apartment after seeing Joey.

Alex nodded. "Can I still make you dinner?"

Olivia stopped them and tugged on her hand. "You know I was just kidding about that, you don't really have to make dinner."

Alex shrugged and started walking again. "I want to, if that's okay."

Olivia smiled and squeezed her hand. "Of course it's okay, I would love to eat whatever you cook."

Moments later Alex pulled them into the corner market, immediately going over to the vegetables. She carefully searched through them, piling them into Olivia's arms before moving on to the rest of the ingredients.

When Olivia knew she probably couldn't hold anything more she turned to Alex. "Hey Lexie, what are you trying to make?"

Alex smiled at the use of her old nickname. "Homemade spaghetti." She turned back around.

"I haven't had homemade spaghetti in like forever!" Olivia was excited.

Alex grinned and kissed Olivia before leading them over to the checkout to pay.

------

Olivia had been dreamily watching Alex cook, so it was no surprise that when Alex placed the steaming dish in front of her, Olivia didn't even notice. She had been mesmerized by the slight sway of Alex's hips as she stirred the pot of spaghetti and intrigued by the way she dipped her head down to taste the sauce. Olivia had sat at the table behind Alex the entire time staring, one hand under her chin to prop her head up. She had been thinking about how perfect it would be if this was actually their normal every day routine. Of course, Olivia considered, she'd have to cook sometimes too. Now, she could feel the steam rising up and hitting her face as she continued to stare off into space, thinking about her fantasy world.

"Earth to Olivia." Alex said, waving a hand in front of Olivia's face.

Olivia jerked at the movement and looked at Alex. "Hmm?"

Alex smiled. "Nothing, you were just spacing out."

Olivia blushed and picked up her fork. "Just watching you cook."

"I'm sure." Alex took a large bite of her spaghetti.

Olivia continued to twirl the spaghetti around her fork as she watched Alex eat. "So, what do you think Warner found?"

Alex raised an eyebrow before swallowing. "I didn't know Warner found anything."

"Oh," Olivia twirled her fork again. "I figured Casey told you, she was in the squad room yesterday. I was going to tell you at dinner last night but with everything…it obviously didn't come up. I just figured Casey told you since she said she dropped papers off for you."

Alex put her fork down and chuckled. "The papers she dropped off were the ones Nikki brought in when we were sleeping. So what did she tell you?"

Olivia shrugged. "Apparently Warner didn't tell her either. She just said that Warner tried to track the both of us down and was unsuccessful and she can't be reached until Monday."

Alex picked her fork back up. "I hope it's something involving Joey's case."

Olivia nodded. "So do I."

"Are you actually going to eat any of that?" Alex asked, noticing that Olivia hadn't eaten a single bite.

Olivia dipped her head down, slightly embarrassed. "Sorry, I was sort of watching you eat." She took a bite while Alex waited for her reaction. "Wow, Alex, this is really good, I had no idea you knew how to cook like this."

Alex blushed. "Well, I didn't before I was Emily. When you live in the middle of nowhere, you have to adopt some hobby or you'll go nuts."

This saddened Olivia who reached out across the table to take one of Alex's hands in hers. "Well, I'm glad those days are over."

Alex squeezed her hand, brushing her thumb lightly across the back of it. "Me too."

_**I promise good enough for you and I pray that I can keep it**_

**-------**

Olivia yawned as the credits scrolled upward, disappearing at the top of the screen. She looked down at the blonde who was snuggled up on top of her, head resting on her chest. Reaching down, she brushed away a stray hair that fell across Alex's face and kissed the top of her head. Alex stirred when Olivia turned the television off, placing them in complete darkness. She lifted her head and turned, staring down at Olivia.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Olivia rubbed her back after dropping the remote to the floor.

Alex shook her head. "No, it's okay, I've just become a light sleeper."

Olivia smiled and reached up to play with the ends of Alex's long hair, knowing how much Alex loved it. Alex closed her eyes as her scalp tingled from the sensation, her thumbs drew light circles on the sides of Olivia's ribs. Olivia lifted a hand, entwining her fingers into Alex's hair at the scalp and pulling her head down. She captured Alex's mouth with hers, gently kissing Alex's parted lips. She loved the feeling of Alex's weight on top of her, blonde hair dangling above. Olivia's other hand moved to Alex's back, slipping under the fabric of her top to touch the hot skin beneath. Alex deepened the kiss at the first contact Olivia's hand made with her skin. Olivia groaned and gripped Alex tighter, crushing their bodies together. Alex's hands moved to the sides of Olivia's face before snaking in her short hair. She draped one leg over one of Olivia's legs, pressing their lower bodies together. The kissing became frantic as their bodies moved to suppress the fire between them. As Olivia moved to pull Alex's shirt over her head, Alex pulled back. Olivia let go of the shirt, moving her hands down to rest on Alex's hips.

Alex sat up on her knees. "I'm sorry."

Olivia moved to a sitting position, pulling her leg from between Alex's. "What's wrong?"

Alex squinted, trying to see Olivia's expression in the dark. "We agreed to take this slow."

Olivia turned around and clicked on the light behind her. "You're right."

She reached forward and smoothed Alex's hair, keeping her fingers entangled there for a moment before kissing Alex on the nose. Alex smiled and reached for Olivia's hands, bringing them down in her lap. She scooted forward so that their knees bumped together and squeezed Olivia's hands tightly in her own.

"I want you to know that I still love you." Alex bit her lip, hoping the remark wasn't out of place.

Olivia grinned widely. "I'll never stop loving you."

They closed the gap, losing themselves in another kiss, before Olivia pulled back. She lifted their still clasped hands up to her lips and kissed the back of Alex's hand. Alex smiled at the gesture before glancing at the clock.

She gave Olivia a frown. "I should be going."

Olivia nodded, letting Alex pull her up from her sitting position on the couch. She let their hands drop while Alex found her shoes and purse and walked slowly behind her toward the door. At the door, Alex opened it and turned around, reaching for Olivia's hands again. When they were connected, Alex leaned in for another short kiss. When the kiss broke, Alex rested her forehead on Olivia's and kept her eyes closed, not really wanting to leave. Olivia's arms moved to Alex's waste and she started a slow sway. The dinging of the elevator made them both jump as another couple exited holding hands and made their way down the hall. Olivia and Alex watched until they couldn't be seen anymore before Alex took a step back.

"I'll call you when I get home, okay?" Alex started making her way backward toward the elevator.

"I'll be waiting by the phone." Olivia smiled and watched as Alex got onto the elevator before closing the door and leaning against it.

_**I pace the floor at night when all the pretty world is sleeping**_

Olivia slowly made her way across her apartment, feeling the coolness under her bare feet. She flicked the light off and stood by the couch, running her hand along the fabric. She watched out of the window as a few other apartment lights turned off as the occupants were probably going to bed as well. The exhaustion finally hit her as she made her way down the hall. Olivia wasn't quite sure when the last time she had a good night's sleep was but she would bet it had been at least three years. Her thoughts flicked to Blake and the life she had been living. The lie, really, she had been living. He had been nice, good for her, even, but he most definitely was not the blue-eyed blonde that had just left her apartment. The one she knew, deep in her heart, she couldn't ever live without. Olivia ran her hands along the walls, something her mother strictly forbid when she was sober when Olivia was younger. A smiled formed on her lips as she pushed the bedroom door open and remembered that the same sheets were on her bed from the last time Alex had been there. She stripped off her clothes as she made her way to the bed in the dark, letting them scatter on the floor. Olivia sighed as she slipped under the covers and wished Alex's scent was still on them. The dark felt peaceful and she no longer felt the missing piece that had been gone for so long.

----

Alex leaned against the cool wall of the elevator as it made it's way down to the lobby. A smile still played on her face as she walked through the entry door of Olivia's apartment building. The night was a little cooler than Alex thought it would be and she wrapped her arms around herself to try to contain the heat her body held. She walked to the edge of the curb and looked up and down the street, hoping she wouldn't have to wait long. Holding out her hand, she flagged the first taxi she saw and climbed in, sliding across the leather seat. After she gave the driver her address she looked up at Olivia's window in time to see the light go out. Alex leaned back against the seat as the driver started down the road toward her own apartment. A few blocks later Alex looked out the window, even with her eyes closed she knew the route.

"Can you stop here instead please?" Alex leaned forward and asked.

The driver slowed the cab to a stop at the corner and Alex jumped out. She leaned in the passenger side window to pay the driver before walking slowly up the sidewalk. She stopped in front of a large man in black, smoking a cigarette. Even from five feet away she could hear and smell the sounds coming from inside the place. The man acknowledged her with a nod before pulling out his packet of cigarettes and offering her one. Alex took it with a grateful smile and held it to her lips for him to light it. She leaned against the cool brick as she took a puff and let her eyes close.

"You going inside tonight?" The man asked finally.

Alex looked up at him and shook her head. "No tonight, Chuck."

Chuck, the bouncer, looked down at her before nodding and throwing his cigarette to the ground.

"Tell Josh I said 'hi'." Alex asked as he turned toward the bar door.

Chuck nodded before giving her a smile and opening the door. Alex watched as the cherry of the discarded cigarette burned on the ground before going out. She took one last drag before throwing her own cigarette down to join the first. She pushed herself from the wall and glanced briefly at the closed bar door before continuing down the sidewalk to her apartment.

----

Olivia picked the phone up on the first ring, quickly clicking the speaker phone on.

"Hey." She smiled, turning on her side and placing the phone on the pillow next to her.

"I'm home." Came Alex's voice through the receiver.

"Not yet." Olivia murmured back.

"I know." Alex whispered.

Olivia picked up the phone and held it tightly to her chest, letting the slow sounds of Alex's breath lull her to sleep.

_**This is when it all makes sense somehow**_


End file.
